The Three Musketeers: wherever I left off - the end

Drinking: Red Stripe Jamaican Lager, Smithwick's Irish Ale, Roadrunner Brown Ale, 2007 Spanish Garnacha

When last we left, the boys had sent off their warnings and were back at work.  We now go to England, where Lord De Winter, Milady's brother-in-law, has received D'Artagnan's message that she is teh ev0l and has locked her up in his castle, to await a sentence from the Duke of Buckingham.  As she is imprisoned, so are we.  We get to spend 12 chapters watching her trying to seduce one of her guards so he'll help her escape.  A geological epoch later, he does, because the story would be really dumb if that was the end.  She also convinces him to assassinate the Duke of Buckingham for her (King - 3, Cardinal - 3, Queen - disqualified).  This takes up many pages, so we're in a rush to the ending.

I couldn't think of an appropriate image, so here's a man running away from a hippo.

D' and the boys learn where his original girlfriend (the landlord's wife) is.  She's at a convent on the other side of the country.  They head there, unfortunately, Milady beats them to her and convinces her the Cardinal is after her.  Just as D' and the boys show up to the rescue, Milady poisons her wine, killing her.  Milady gets away.  D' is heartbroken.  Very sad.  They track Milady down and kill her (all legal like, with a local magistrate).

At this point the dude who has been popping up every once in a while (the guy with ninja skills from the beginning of the book) shows up to arrest D' (the dude's name is Rochefort, and he is not nearly as bad ass as he was when Michael Wincott played him in the Disney movie)

 

Eyepatch WIN

He takes D' to the Cardinal, but  (cue heroic music), D' busts out with the Cardinal's own pardon, which Athos stole from Milady.  Apparently the Cardinal is so impressed he promotes D' to a lieutenant of the Musketeers.  Hooray!  This is pretty much the end,  D' is now the boss.  Athos goes back to being a nobleman, Porthos' marries his mistress after her husband dies and is fantastically rich, Aramis becomes a monk.  Apparently they get back together for The Man in the Iron Mask.  I might read that one someday.

This ending sucks by the way.  The people who most deserve it don't get their comeuppance.  D'Artagnan the homicidal egoist gets a promotion, his girlfriend who didn't do anything except get betrayed by her husband gets dead, Cardinal Richelieu stays where he is, and wins the war against England.  The real hero of the story is Athos, who is a badass throughout, and winds up drinking his days away in a castle like true badasses do.

I suck at writing endings so that will be the end of the first section of this blog.  I'm thinking about The Great Gatsby for my next one, but I'm open to suggestions.  In the meantime, I'll be drinking.